


Tree Topper

by ScullyFemme



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Christmas Tree, F/M, Season 5 (pre-Christmas Carol/Emily), Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22148749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScullyFemme/pseuds/ScullyFemme
Summary: From the prompt: M&S decorating a Christmas tree togetherMulder is unexpectedly invited in after dropping Scully off at her mother's house. Mrs. Scully successfully ropes him into helping decorate the Christmas tree, but he is unaware of her underlying motivations.
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 21
Kudos: 56





	Tree Topper

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally sent in as a fluff prompt, but it very much veered away from that lmao

“Is this you or Melissa?” Mulder held up an ornament consisting of a popsicle-stick frame around a small picture of a young girl. He and Scully both sat cross-legged on the floor of her mother’s house, sifting through boxes of decorations in front of the new tree.

Scully looked up from the lights she was detangling and smiled at the picture. “Me.”

“Really?” He looked closer at the picture. “Your hair’s so curly. I knew you straightened it, but-”

“Well, it’s not so curly anymore.” She frowned at the lights and sighed in frustration. “How are these so tangled?”

“Let me help.”

“Mulder-” She sighed again but relinquished the lights as he reached out for them. “What are you even doing here? You know you don’t have to help my mom decorate. You could have left when she invited you in.”

“I wanna help.” He squinted down at what was now more of a ball than a string of lights — did Scully make this worse somehow? “I mean, I’d already driven you here, and your mom promised me something called ‘special hot chocolate,’ so there’s no way I’m turning that down. Plus, who else can reach those branches up there?” He glanced up at the top of the tree that was well over six feet tall.

Scully smirked as she started testing the bulbs of a string she’d already detangled. “The only thing ‘special’ about it is the rum she adds. None of these bulbs work,” she added, muttering to herself.

“Sounds special enough to me.” He grinned, but then it was his turn to sigh as he put down the lights. “I think these lights are shot, Scully.”

“Ohh, that’s alright.” Maggie Scully appeared with a tray of hot chocolate. “Those lights are probably older than Dana.”

“Wait, really?” Scully looked up in surprise. “Isn’t that a fire hazard or something?”

“Depends on how old you are, Scully.” Mulder quipped, then grinned cheekily at her glare.

“Dana, what are you doing?” Her mother asked as Scully stood up and dusted herself off.

“I’m getting you some new lights.” She gestured for Mulder to get up and he obliged. “I think all of these are too far gone at this point.”

“You don’t have to do that.” Her mother put down the tray. “We’re not even going to be home for Christmas this year.”

“Exactly, so why are you even decorating?” Scully countered. “I mean, we leave in two days, Mom.”

Her mom gave her a stern look. “You know why I’m decorating, Dana.”

Some telepathic message passed between the two women that Mulder couldn’t grasp for the life of him. He worried he was caught in between some big argument he knew nothing about.

After a few moments, Scully sighed. “Fine, but I’m at least going to make sure you have lights that don’t short out and cause a fire while you’re gone.”

“But-” Her mother followed them to the door.

“We’ll be back in a sec, Mom. Okay?” Scully threw on her coat and scarf while Mulder gave her mother a _what-can-ya-do?_ shrug and reached for his own coat. On their way down to the car, Mulder had half a mind to ask about the conversation Scully had just had with her mother, but decided it might not be best to get into it.

“You’re not going to be here for Christmas?” He asked instead.

“No, we’re flying out to Bill’s this year, remember?” She opened the passenger side door. “I told you last week.”

He did not remember. “Oh, yeah, right.” He buckled in and started the car, smiling fondly as he watched her rub her hands together for warmth while the air heated up. He loved when she did that.

* * *

“Who knew there were so many different types of Christmas lights?” Mulder stared at the wall-to-wall shelves of string lights of varying shapes, sizes, and colors.

“Yeah, but my mom just likes the plain yellow bulbs.” She seemed to be debating between the ones on a white string and the ones on a green string, holding a box of each in her hand.

“I think they’re supposed to be white.”

“Yeah, well they look yellow.”

Mulder picked up a box of lights that were large and spherical, investigating it while she figured out what to get. They were huge and absolutely ridiculous; lights that anyone would find garish, which gave him an idea.

“Hey Scully, look.” He offered the box to her. “These ones change colors.”

She eyed it with a straight face, but he could see the humor in her eyes. “Mulder, I told you. My mother likes the traditional stuff.”

“Well, what about you?”

“Me?”

“Yeah.”

She shrugged, putting back the box with the white cord and grabbing a couple more boxes of the green-cord lights. “Haven’t really thought about it. When I moved into my first apartment, I just bought whatever decorations were cheapest. And they’ve lasted this long, so…”

“C’mon, Scully, humor me.” He held up the box again with a grin. “What do you think of lights like these?”

“Well, I’m assuming you like them.” She smirked.

“Well, yeah. They’re fun.”

“They’re impractical.” She tried to frown, but there was still a smile on her face as she took the box from him. “I mean, these- These would probably weigh down the branches of any tree way too much. You wouldn’t be able to fit any ornaments on it.”

“Well, maybe we don’t need ornaments.”

Her brows quirked up. “We?”

He froze with panic. “Yeah, you know.” He cleared his throat. “If, um… If we got a small tree for the office.”

She watched him for a moment with narrowed eyes. “For the office.”

“For the office,” he repeated, feeling more confident in his lie.

“Mulder, you’ve never decorated the office for any holiday.”

“Well, maybe we could start.” He took the box back from her. “I like these lights.”

“There’s not enough room for a tree.”

“A small tree.”

“A small tree. With those lights.” A brief smile crossed her face and he knew he was in for some ribbing. “Mulder-”

“Anything I can help you with today, folks?” A store employee appeared with an overly friendly smile on her face.

“Oh-” Scully turned in surprise. “No thank you, we’re good.” She held up the three boxes of lights she’d selected for her mom as if to indicate that she had already found what she was looking for.

“Are you sure?” The employee smiled as if she were being held at gunpoint to say the next bit. “Are you aware of our deals in the housewares section?” She looked between Scully and Mulder. “We have perfect items for His and Hers gifts.”

“Oh, we’re not-”

“We’re just here for the lights,” Scully interrupted her partner. They were both used to people assuming they were a couple and he figured she didn’t have the energy to argue over it with an employee who was getting paid minimum wage.

“Alrighty!” the woman’s grin looked pained. “Well, if you need anything, just give me a holler!” She turned and couldn’t walk away fast enough for fear that they would decide that they _did_ need her.

Scully sighed, looking downtrodden all of a sudden. “Let’s just get these lights and go, Mulder.”

She turned and left without waiting for him, leaving him in confusion at her sudden change in mood. He wanted to keep bantering with her about a tree for the office, maybe even rile her up by pretending he would want the exact opposite of every choice she’d picked. It would be a lie, of course; he knew he’d probably love any hypothetical decorations she chose. He wanted to let himself indulge in the fantasy of someday putting up Christmas decorations with her.

But what the store employee had said seemed to dramatically change Scully’s mood. He’d noticed that it was becoming a trend with her recently. Random people had assumed they were a couple ever since they’d started working together, but lately it seemed to bog her down rather than mildly annoy her like it used to. Did the idea of being with him upset her that much? He was hesitant to bring it up for fear of her answer.

He realized she was halfway out of the decorations section while he still stood in place, holding the ridiculous string lights. With a start, he quickly put it back on the shelf and hurried after her.

“Scully?” He caught up quickly. “You okay?”

“I’m fine, Mulder. I just realized we’ve been here too long. My mom’s waiting.”

He knew better than to push the issue. Not this one. They stood in an awkward silence in the checkout line and sat in an awkward silence in the car.

Scully held back a sigh as Mulder pulled up in front of her mother’s house and she watched him hesitate, not even turning off the car. She knew exactly what he was about to say.

“If, um- If you want, I can go. I’ll come back to pick you up or something.”

She groaned, putting her head in her hands. “No, Mulder, don’t leave- Just-” She shook her head. “My mom…already made your hot chocolate,” she said lamely. It was the best she could come up with while avoiding saying too much.

“I think it’s cold by now, Scully.” His joke didn’t land. “And I don’t want to, uh, intrude on your time with your mother.”

“No, Mulder-” She shook her head again, still holding it in her hands. None of this was going right. This wasn’t what today was supposed to be about. She internally kicked herself for getting so bitter earlier. They were having such a nice day, and now she’d dragged down the mood. Comments and assumptions about them being together were upsetting her more and more and she knew she showed it. Mulder likely thought she hated the mere concept of being with him. But she couldn’t tell him the real reason why she got upset by implications that they were together. Not here, not now. Maybe not ever, who knows.

“You’re not intruding,” she continued, looking up at him. “My mom invited you in, remember? She wants you here. And I-” She froze for a moment. “I…don’t mind you being here.” Her face heated up.

He grinned, seeing an opening to tease her. “Well, if you don’t _mind_ me being here-”

“You know what I mean.” She shot him a glare, but there was no real heat behind it.

Did he? Mulder wondered if that was true. Lately, it seemed like it was getting harder to read her. Ever since her recovery, she was sometimes so much more open with him than she used to be and he thought they were getting closer, maybe even moving towards something new. But then other times she was even more guarded and closed off. He didn’t know how to take it.

“Well… I guess you need someone who can reach the higher branches of the tree.” He smirked.

She recognized the olive branch for what it was and gave him a brief, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it meaningful look before rolling her eyes. “We can manage without you.” She opened her door.

“Oh, I don’t know, Scully.” He shook his head and turned off the car, getting out and following her to the house. “Sounds like you need me.”

“I don’t need you.”

“You’re gonna grow a foot taller to reach the top of the tree? That’s a Christmas miracle if I’ve ever heard one.”

“My mom has a stepladder.”

“What if you fall?”

“You know what? You’re right, Mulder. What _if_ I fall off a two-foot-high stepladder?” She stopped in front of her mother’s front door and turned to face him with a smirk, eye-level with him since he hadn’t yet stepped onto the porch. “I guess I _do_ need you.” The last sentence was meant to be sarcastic, but it came out sounding a bit too sincere and she averted her gaze, her head twitching as if she was resisting the urge to duck her chin.

He grinned and stepped up onto the porch so he was looming over her, always using his height to his advantage. “So you admit it.”

“It was a joke.”

“Mhm,” he looked up in thought. “Didn’t seem lik-” He stopped, his eyes fixed on something above them.

“Mulder?” She followed his gaze up to see a sprig of mistletoe hanging above the doorway, right over their heads.

“Was, uh…” He cleared his throat. “Was that there when we left?”

She sighed. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Your mom?”

“Who else?”

“We can just pretend we didn’t see it.”

She hesitated, and maybe he was imagining it, but it looked like she was considering actually obeying the mistletoe.

His heart skipped a beat against his own will. “Unless you _want_ to-”

“No.” She answered too quickly, then ducked her chin awkwardly. “No, I- Let’s just go inside, okay?”

He nodded, trying not to let his disappointment show on his face as he followed her into the house.

“You’re back!” Mrs. Scully grinned widely as she took the bag from her daughter. “How was the store?”

“Uh, fine?” Scully shrugged off her coat.

“And the drive? And the walk up?”

They both knew exactly what she was doing and exchanged carefully-crafted confused looks. “Fine?” Scully said again. _What mistletoe? We certainly didn’t see any._

Her mother gave a brief sigh, then quickly replaced it with another smile. “Well, come in, come in. I’ve been keeping the hot chocolate warm on the stove.”

“Ooo,” Mulder’s eyebrows shot up in exaggerated excitement and Scully had to roll her eyes to keep from laughing.

Mrs. Scully had been busy in their absence, putting out the nutcrackers and hanging the stockings and setting up her nativity scene. There was fake garland wrapped around the stair banister and even more laying along the mantle above the fireplace. Various Christmas-themed candles were placed around the house. The only thing left bare was the tree, waiting for the two of them.

They immediately set to work, unpacking the lights and winding them around the tree. Mulder easily reached the highest branches that Scully definitely would have needed a stepladder for. They bickered good-naturedly about where to put specific ornaments while her mother looked on with a smile.

“You know what, just give it to me.” Scully held out her hand for the ornament he was holding. “You have no sense of symmetry.”

“Symmetry?” He had an incredulous grin on his face. “It’s a Christmas tree, Scully, not a geometry project.”

“But we can’t just put all the gold hearts on one half of the tree while the icicles are on the other half!”

“That sounds pretty symmetrical to me.”

She sighed through her nose. “They have to be evenly dispersed, Mulder.”

“Says who?”

“Says me.”

“This isn’t your house.”

“No, but I know how my mother likes things decorated.”

“I think this is just how _you_ like things decorated.”

“Where do you think she gets it from?” Maggie chimed in with a grin, taking a sip of hot chocolate.

Scully gave him a triumphant look and jabbed her hand towards him, still waiting for the ornament.

He raised his hands in surrender, then handed it over with a grin. “Fine, fine. I can see when I’m outnumbered.”

An hour later, Mulder and Scully stood in front of the tree, admiring their work. Scully had relented in her need for symmetry when it came to the branches that only Mulder could reach, which meant that the tallest parts of the tree were drastically unbalanced in their distribution. It was his way of rebelling.

“One last thing!” Mrs. Scully reached into a box and pulled out a tree topper that looked like an angel. She stared at it for a few moments, smiling fondly as she fixed its hair and clothes a bit. Mulder glanced over at Scully, who crossed her arms awkwardly and suddenly looked like she wanted to be anywhere but here.

“My, um…” Her mother hesitated. “My husband used to always put the angel on top. After he, uh…” She stopped again, tears welling up in her eyes. “Ever since he passed, I… I’ve refused to even put a topper on the tree. But, um…” She sniffled and was quiet for a moment, then offered it to Mulder.

He blinked in surprise. “Me? But I’m-” he stammered and looked to Scully for back-up, but she only ducked her chin and refused to meet his gaze and he realized why. Whatever was going on, Scully knew about it and _didn’t warn him_.

Maggie stepped forward and pressed the topper into his hands. “I never really got to thank you, Fox. I know we don’t…know for sure how it happened, but…” She trailed off with a reassuring smile. “Well, you never stopped fighting for Dana when she was in the hospital.”

Stunned by where this seemed to be going, Mulder glanced over at Scully again, who looked extremely uncomfortable and apparently found the floor very interesting.

Maggie continued. “And…I have a feeling that…that _thing_ you gave her was what caused her remission.”

Mulder stammered, embarrassed and feeling the need to protest. He didn’t deserve whatever this was. “Mrs. Scully, I-”

“It’s okay.” She laid her hands over his where they were wrapped around the angel and gave him another smile. “I, um…I wanted to invite you to spend Christmas with us, but…” She trailed off with a brief grimace. “Since we’re going to my son’s this year and he’s not exactly on the same page as me-”

“Oh, that’s-” Mulder laughed awkwardly, wishing that Scully could jump in and rescue him. “That’s okay. I, um, I wouldn’t have wanted to intrude on a family gathering, anyway.”

“Ohh.” Mrs. Scully gave him a sympathetic look, then wrapped him in a hug. He quickly moved the angel out of her way for fear of damaging what was clearly an important item. “You _are_ family, Fox.” Her voice cracked.

Mulder felt like the wind was knocked out of him. Family? Being part of the Scully family – or any family more loving than his own – was nearly impossible to imagine. He realized that tears were starting to form and blinked them back, then looked at Scully over her mother’s head, who finally met his gaze with a strained, guilty smile.

“Your car isn’t really in the shop, is it?” He asked.

Her mother pulled away from the hug with a grin. “Don’t blame Dana, it was my idea.”

“I meant to warn you in the store, but uh…” Scully trailed off.

Mulder nodded, knowing what she meant, then looked down at the angel he was holding. She had curly red hair, and its weight felt heavier all of a sudden. “I, uh…” He trailed off with an awkward chuckle, trying to play off how emotional he felt. He worried he was about to cry in front of the Scully women. They didn’t have traditions or sentiment like this in his family. He could barely even remember the last time he’d celebrated a happy holiday with his parents, much less acknowledge family traditions like this.

“Dana told me you’re not a big fan of _things_ as gifts. You prefer gestures.” Mrs. Scully took one of his hands in both of hers and squeezed it, tears forming in her own eyes. “And you gave me the best gift this year. My little girl back.”

“Mom…” Scully instinctively protested, her face red.

Mulder searched for some way to deflect, feeling like he definitely didn’t deserve all this credit. After all, it was because of him that Scully had ever gotten her cancer in the first place. “I, um, I’m sure she’d be the first to tell you that her cancer could have gone into remission for any number of reasons,” he murmured.

Scully and her mother both smiled at that — at how well he knew his partner — and Maggie glanced over at her daughter. “Yes, she’s told me many times. But she also didn’t protest when I said I wanted to invite you over.”

It was his turn to smile. “So the, uh- The car, the hot chocolate…”

“And the tree,” Maggie said. “I don’t normally get such a tall tree.”

He laughed. “Is that so?”

She smiled and nodded, squeezing his hand again. After a moment, she let go and gestured towards the tree.

He looked down at the angel again, then back up. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. He turned to Scully, who raised her eyebrows and tilted her head towards the tree, indicating for him to go ahead. Feeling a bit awkward, he carefully stepped towards the tree and reached up to place the angel on top. It fit perfectly.

Maggie clasped her hands together and rested her chin on them, a watery smile filling her face. She sniffled again and Scully quickly pulled her mother into a hug, knowing she was about to cry.

“Mom…” Scully gave her mother a comforting pat on the back and gave Mulder an apologetic look over her mother’s shoulder. He replied with a _you don’t have to apologize_ smile.

“I’m sorry,” her mother pulled away and wiped at her eyes. “Sorry, I’m- I’ll be right back.” She excused herself and left the room.

Scully put her hands in her back pockets and ducked her chin awkwardly again — she sure was doing that a lot today. “It’s, um…kind of an emotional time of year for her.”

Mulder nodded, remembering that Scully’s father had passed away in early January, not too long after Christmas.

“I know it might’ve seemed…weird…but it really meant a lot to her that you put the topper on the tree.”

“Oh, no, it um-” Mulder put his hands in his own pockets, subconsciously mirroring her. “It was really sweet of her. And I had fun today.”

She met his gaze with a brief smile, then looked away again.

“I’ve never, um…” He hesitated. “Well, you know my family. My parents were never exactly the sentimental type.”

She nodded, knowing what he meant.

“So, uh… What your mom said — all of today, really — it meant a lot to me, too,” he murmured.

Scully looked back up at him with surprise, then licked her lips and nodded. “Me too.” Her gaze was meaningful.

He wanted to elaborate, to tell her how much it meant to him that she was alive. That they were even able to have this day. How he was so sure he’d die along with her in that hospital, to the point where he truly felt half-dead until he heard the news that she was in remission and it felt like life was breathed back into him. How she’d somehow become his whole world in the years they’d worked together, how he’d become so intrinsically linked to her that he could barely imagine going a week without her, much less a lifetime.

He wanted to tell her how much he loved her.

But he couldn’t bring himself to, despite the fact that this moment seemed as good as any. Better than most, really. But he had no idea how she’d react or if she even felt the same way, and he worried that telling her would end up ruining what had been a mostly good day. Sometimes he felt absolutely sure that she did return his feelings, and others he convinced himself that he was just projecting. And how could he risk ruining their partnership when she meant so much to him?

Mrs. Scully returned within a few moments anyway, and it would have been awkward if she’d walked in on a confession. Especially if it went wrong.

She clasped her hands together with a cheery grin. “How about one last hot chocolate before you two leave? Fox, I’ll give you some without alcohol since you’re driving, of course,” she added.

He smiled and they both followed her to the kitchen. “I would argue that’s the best part, but it’s definitely the chocolate. I don’t know what kind of secret recipe you have, but it’s worth it.”

Scully smiled fondly from behind them, listening to him charm her mother. As if he needed to. She should have known not to worry about how he’d react to the tree topper, but she hadn’t expected it to really mean anything to him. She thought he would just go along with it to please her mother, but it seemed to really affect him.

On the drive here this morning, Scully had worried it would be awkward. She knew Mulder wasn’t much for holidays and that her mother could be a bit overbearing when it came to Christmas. But he was happy the whole day — more than happy, even. And now, leaning against the kitchen counter, he chatted cheerily with her mother. It seemed to suit him so well, hanging out here at her mother’s house, charming her. Scully’s mind wandered to what it would be like if he was here under different circumstances, charming her mother for different reasons. He’d probably always been good at winning over his past girlfriends’ parents.

Not that _she_ was his girlfriend, of course. Or likely to become so anytime soon. The thought brought heat to her face and she felt the need to explain away the brief consideration, to excuse it even inside the privacy of her own mind. Even despite the fact that she’d come so close to telling him how she felt only a few minutes ago, when her mother had left them alone.

She wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to do it. It was too much of a risk to their partnership to tell him how she felt. How she’d relied on his strength while she was in the hospital like it was her own. How she’d wanted to tell him about her feelings when she was diagnosed but couldn’t bear to put that weight on him when she was dying. How ever since her remission, since finding out she had a second chance, all she wanted to do was pull him into her arms and find out how it would feel to press her lips to his. But she just couldn’t risk it.

“Dana?”

She was startled from her thoughts by her mother’s voice. “Hm? Sorry, what?”

“Tara was due last week, right?”

Scully’s mind raced to catch up with the conversation. “Uh, yeah. Yes.” She nodded and looked down at the hot chocolate in her hands. When was she given that? “It, uh, it still hasn’t happened, though. She’s probably bursting at the seams at this point.” Scully punctuated the sentence with a sip from her mug, letting the sweetness of the chocolate and the sharp tang of rum ground her in reality.

“It’s so exciting,” Mrs. Scully continued, talking to Mulder. “That’s why Bill invited us to San Diego this year. He thought it would be nice to have us over for Christmas and for meeting the baby at the same time!”

Mulder smiled politely, but his attention was on Scully as he gave her a concerned look. No doubt he assumed that she’d spaced out due to the topic of the conversation. He knew that she still hadn’t told her mother about her infertility. It wasn’t the reason for her distractedness, but she gave him an awkward smile anyway. He took it as a sign to change the topic, which she was grateful for. Otherwise, her mother would start hinting at wanting another grandchild and probably make some implication regarding her and Mulder’s relationship that she didn’t want to hear right now.

“So what _is_ your secret recipe for this hot chocolate, anyway?” He asked.

* * *

Warmed by hot chocolate, Mulder and Scully put on their coats as they prepared to leave.

Mrs. Scully stepped forward and wrapped him in a tight hug. “You stay warm this Christmas, okay, Fox?”

He smiled fondly as he returned the hug. “You bet.”

She broke away and held her arms out to her daughter, who stepped into the hug. “Love you, Dana.”

“Love you too, Mom.”

Mrs. Scully stepped away. “Goodbye, you two.”

Mulder nodded as he opened the door, his hand at the small of Scully’s back. “Thanks for, um….everything,” he said to her mother.

She smiled warmly. “You too. Drive safe.”

The door closed behind them and they stood just outside it on the porch while Mulder checked his pockets for his keys.

While waiting for him, Scully turned and watched through the living room window as her mother settled onto the couch with a book, unable to see them from her angle. A pit started to form in her stomach as she had an idea.

“Are you sure you don’t have my keys, Scully?” Mulder patted his various pockets. “I don’t want to have to barge back into your mother’s house to look for them.”

Scully turned back to him and a flash of bravery — and maybe a bit of rum — coursed through her as she rose up on her toes and put a hand around the back of his neck to pull him down for a kiss. He was tense with surprise at first but quickly relaxed into it, his hand cautiously finding a spot to rest on her hip as if afraid she’d pull away at his touch. The warmth from his hand sent a jolt of heat through her body and she instinctively deepened the kiss, bringing her other hand up to cup his face.

She’d wondered for years what kissing Mulder would feel like, and it ended up being better than she’d ever imagined. Her hand fell from his face to clutch at his coat lapel and pull him even deeper into the kiss, her tongue slipping into his mouth. It was all she could do not to push him against her mother’s front door. He moaned — involuntarily? — and his other arm wrapped around her, his hand landing on its spot on the small of her back as he pulled their bodies flush together. The feeling of him so close caused the pit in her stomach to open wider and she had to pull away before she did something crazy. Crazier than this, at least. She stepped back to cease all contact for fear that she’d kiss him again if she stayed in his arms.

Panting, Mulder looked down at her a question in his eyes. She thought she could see hope there as well.

Scully swallowed nervously and gestured up to the mistletoe above them, looking anywhere but at him. “The, um- Just…you know.”

“Right,” he said with a small smile, and she had a feeling he knew it was an excuse. That was far from an obligatory mistletoe kiss. He put his hand on her hip again and she jolted in surprise, wondering if he was going to try to pull her back in.

Instead, though, he tucked a finger in the front pocket of her pants and hooked it through his key ring, pulling his keys out with a triumphant look. “Found ‘em.” His voice came out as a low rumble.

Her face burned and she cleared her throat as she moved past him and down the porch stairs to the car. She didn’t want him to see how red her face was and she tried to ignore the fact that him simply getting his keys out of her pocket — that his finger lightly tracing down the inside of her hip — had gotten her more riled up than extensive foreplay with previous sexual partners ever had.

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat as he got in the car and gave her a friendly smile before starting it with a straight face. He was acting as if everything was normal, as if they hadn’t just made out on her mother’s porch. Had it not affected him at all? Scully sat back in her seat, trying to hide her disappointment. Her embarrassment.

“That, um-” He piped up, pretending to check his blind spot on his left side (no one else was on the road) in order to avoid looking at her. “You kiss all your FBI partners like that?”

He was trying to play it off, maybe for her sake. Maybe for his own. Her jaw tensed as she made a split-second decision between going along with his joke or answering seriously.

“No, I haven’t kissed anyone quite like that, Mulder,” she muttered, deliberately staring straight ahead through the window to avoid seeing his reaction. Her face burned where he glanced at her. This was risky. It was so risky, and it wasn’t even a clear-cut expression of her feelings. Just a mistletoe-excused kiss that either of them could easily wave off. She supposed she should be glad for the easy out, but she suddenly wished there wasn’t one. That he had to respond, to let her know if they shared the same sentiments.

“Oh,” was all he said. Oh.

They drove in near-silence for the rest of the trip, save for the occasional comment on the snow or the traffic. Scully felt ashamed, like she’d ruined the day for him. Like she’d broken something in their relationship that they couldn’t fix. This was exactly what she was afraid of. She’d risked everything they’d built over their years together, and for what? Just because she couldn’t handle not knowing what it would feel like to kiss him? How selfish was that?

The drive was agonizing due to the discomfort, but somehow they made it to her apartment. He put the car in park and she rushed to unbuckle her seatbelt and reach for the car door, eager to escape the awkward tension between them. Maybe they could play this off. Forget it ever happened. She was about to leave for a week; maybe they could both get back to a place of normalcy before seeing each other again.

“Hey, Scully?”

“Hm?” She turned back to him but was met with his hand on her jaw as he pulled her in for another kiss.

Her eyes widened in surprise before drifting closed in ecstasy and she relaxed, blindly reaching for him over the center console and finding his shirt with her hand. After their kiss earlier, she realized just how hungry she was for him and without the chance of being caught by her mother, she had no reason to restrain herself. He grunted as she twisted the fabric into her fist. His hand moved up her jaw and into her hair, pulling it gently as he deepened the kiss, his tongue slipping into her mouth. She couldn’t hold back the brief moan that escaped her as her hand untwisted from his shirt and traced slowly down his torso.

“Mm.” His hand caught hers and he broke the kiss, tilting his head so their foreheads were pressed together as they both caught their breath. Intertwined, their hands laid just below his ribcage.

“Something wrong?” She asked, worried she was overstepping.

“No.” He chuckled and his breath smelled of chocolate. “Not at all. I just… I figured if I let you keep going, we wouldn’t be leaving this car anytime soon.”

She laughed breathlessly, her eyes still closed to help her absorb the moment. After they both calmed down, they leaned away from each other, sitting back in their respective seats. He awkwardly rubbed his jaw and gestured towards the roof of the car.

“I just, uh… Thought I saw some mistletoe.”

She eyed him for a moment. It was a stupid line, but his message was clear: _We’re even now_. But the slight upturn of his eyebrows added to the message: _If you want to be_.

She licked her lips and pressed them together in thought, turning to look at the windows of her dark apartment. It would be easy to invite him up, to continue this in the warmth of her bedroom. In fact, it would be even easier to continue it right here, in his car. There was a distinct wet spot in her panties that was getting hard to ignore.

But she was leaving town in a couple days. And even though it was only for a week, she didn’t want to start… _this_ …when she was about to be gone.

“I, um… I should go.” She opened her door and got out, then noticed his look of disappointment when she leaned down to say goodbye. “But, uh… When I get back from San Diego, maybe we could, uh… Maybe you could come over.”

His eyes glinted in the dim streetlight as he grinned at her. “I’d love to.”

His smile brought on her own, and for a moment they simply grinned at each other like dopey-eyed teens after a first date. Emboldened by the moment, she ducked back into the car for another quick kiss then rushed back out and up to her apartment building without looking back. Not until she got to the door, where she turned to see his car still sitting in the street. She couldn’t see him inside, but she had a feeling he had the same look on his face that she did. Pure happiness.

She gave a little wave, then ducked inside her building and made her way to her apartment. It wasn’t until she was inside that she let herself collapse against the door and feel the full weight of what had just happened. She’d kissed Mulder. She’d kissed _Mulder_. She had to repeat the phrase in her mind to cement it in reality. The thought was something that should induce panic, but for some reason it didn’t. Despite everything they were risking, as soon as she’d kissed him she knew it felt right.

She was simultaneously grateful and upset that she was leaving for a week. On the one hand — the practical hand — some time apart might be good so that they could see if this was a fluke thing brought on by the day and the situation or something they wanted to go for. But on the other hand, she wanted to invite him into her apartment and not come out for many days.

The thought of starting something with Mulder — of _finally_ giving in to what they’d been avoiding for years now — scared her. But maybe it was time. Things had been considerably calm lately. Relatively normal without the threat of her cancer looming over them like it had for a year. Maybe now would be the best time.

Scully straightened up and headed to her room, where she knew she wouldn’t get any sleep tonight. Yes, maybe now was a good time. Maybe they were ready to start something. Maybe it would work out, and not blow up in their faces. Maybe she would manage _not_ to talk herself out of this decision by the time she saw Mulder again. _Maybe, maybe, maybe._

She supposed they wouldn’t know for sure until after she got back from San Diego.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for the read! If you like my work, I have more fics posted on my [ Tumblr! ](https://scullyfemme.tumblr.com)
> 
> Also I mayyyy be convinced to write a part 2 for this...


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